Michael A. Goodwin (nephilpal) wrote,
Michael A. Goodwin
nephilpal

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A Soldier's Own Obituary


I came upon this document while cleaning out my desk. I faintly recall a professor giving me this to read back as an undergraduate. It seemed significant to record it here so that it didn't get lost. This brings back memories of the times I visited West Point as a delegate to the National Conference on Ethics in America and the remarkable people I met among the cadets there. With one sister out of the Army and another still in, it makes me think about the lives we choose to lead and the weight of those lives. I hope that I will one day have accomplished deeds half so remarkable as Major Hottell and that I can strive to live life with equal dedication and passion.

"John Alexander Hottell, II graduated from West Point in 1964, tenth in a class of 564. He was a Rhodes scholar in 1965. In Vietnam he earned two Silver Stars as commander of Company B, First Battalion, Eighth Cavalry, First Cavalry Division (Airmobile). He later became aide to the First Cavalry commander, Major General George W. Casey. Both were killed in the crash of a helicopter on July 7, 1970.. Major Hottell was 27 years old at the time of his death, which occurred one year after he wrote his own obituary and sent it in a sealed envelope to his wife, Linda.

I am writing my own obituary for several reasons, and I hope none of them are too trite. First, I would like to spare my friends, who may happen to read this, the usual cliches about being a good soldier. They were all kind enough to me, and I not enough to them. Second, I would not want to be a party to perpetuation of an image that is harmful and inacurate: "glory" is the most meaningless of concepts, and I feel that in some cases it is doubly damaging. And third, I am quite simply the last authority on my own death.

I loved the Army: it reared me, it nurtured me, and it gave me the most satisfying years of my life. Thanks to it I have lived an entire lifetime in 26 years. It is only fitting that I should die in its service. We all have but one death to spend, and insofar as it can have any meaning, it finds it in the service of comrades in arms.

And yet, I deny that I died FOR anything -- not my country, not my Army, not my fellow man, none of these things. I LIVED for these things, and the manner in which I chose to do it involved the very real chance that I would die in the execution of my duties. I knew this, and accepted it, but my love for West Point and the Army was great enough -- and the promise that I would some day be able to serve all the ideals that meant anything to me through it was great enough -- for me to accept this possibility as a part of a price which must be paid for all things of great value. If there is nothing worth dying for -- in this sense -- there is nothing worth living for,

The Army let me live in Japan, Germany and England with experiences in all of these places that others only dream about. I have skied in the Alps, killed a scorpion in my tent [while] camping in Turkey, climbed Mount Fuji, visited the ruins of Athens, Ephesus and Rome, seen the town of Gordium where another Alexander challenged his destiny, gone to the opera in Munich, plays in the West End of London, seen the Oxford-Cambridge rugby match, gone for pub crawls through the Cotswolds, seen the night-life in Hamburg, danced to the Rolling Stones, and earned a master's degree in a foreign university.

I have known what is like to be married to a fine and wonderful woman and to love her beyond bearing with the sure knowledge that she loves me; I have commanded a company and been a father, priest, income-tax adviser, confessor, and judge for 200 men at one time: I have played college football and rugby, won the British national diving championship two years in a row, boxed for Oxford against Cambridge only to be knocked out in the first round, and played handball to distraction -- and all of these sports I loved, I learned at West Point. They gave me hours of intense happiness.

I have been an exchange student at the German Military Academy, and gone to the German Jumpmaster school. I have made thirty parachute jumps from everything from a balloon in England to a jet at Fort Bragg. I have written an article that was published in Army magazine, and I have studied philosophy.

I have experienced all these things because I was in the Army and because I was an Army brat. The Army is my life, it is such a part of what I was that what happened is the logical outcome of the life I loved. I never knew what it is to fail. I never knew what it is to be too old or too tired to do anything. I lived a full life in the Army, and it has exacted the price. It is only just."
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